Mums In Leadership Interview

I had the pleasure of interviewing my good friend Joanna Adeyina as part of the ongoing conversation around Why Mums Make Great Leaders

Watch time: 25 mins 

Grab a cup of tea (I’m British!) and a biscuit and have a watch. Find out what Joanna thinks about being a mum and a leader, how it’s made her better, the challenges it brings and her favourite parenting tips – because we all love a good life hack!

Joanna is a wife, mum, actress, presenter, author and children’s entertainer. She leads in three main spheres of life, in the home with her husband, in her career and at church. You can check out her website here: www.itsjoanna.co.uk

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the topic and you can catch up on previous posts and the introduction to the series here: Why Mums Make Great Leaders

 

Why Mums Make Great Leaders Part IIII

you are lovely

For those new to this theme, let me explain. Last year I started a conversation entitled, ‘Why Mums Make Great Leaders’ Initially, this was mostly due to me becoming a first-time mum and navigating the new territory and title of Mother against the backdrop of leadership. The aim of the conversation is to encourage Mothers that they can make great leaders despite a historical context of being overlooked for leadership, by themselves or others due to their motherhood season. Sadly women and mothers still face discrimination within the arena of leadership today. Despite the fact that in Western culture we have made good progress and are moving forward, there is still work to be done. I am however grateful to live in a country and era in which we are free to address the topic. Women in different cultures and countries to my own still aren’t afforded the basic human right of freedom of speech and so we must help to fight for them.

With that said, this isn’t a political or rallying post, but rather one to inspire and encourage and bring hope to another. Whilst it’s addressed primarily to mothers, the message of positive influence transcends title and is the privilege and responsibility of all.

Good leaders influence well, they inspire greatness in others, they believe in a better future and they pioneer into the unknown. Today as I was scrolling through my Instagram stories, I came across an incredible example of great leadership by a mother posted by a friend who is herself a great leader and mother to five children! She posted a tale about Thomas Edison and his mother that reads as follows:

One day, as a small child, Thomas Edison came home from school and gave a paper to his mother. He said to her, “Mum, my teacher gave this paper to me and told me that only you are to read it. What does it say?” Her eyes welled with tears as she read the letter out loud to her child, “Your son is a genius. This school is too small for him and doesn’t have good enough teachers to train him. Please teach him yourself.”

His mother did just that until she fell ill and passed away.

Many years after Edison’s mother died, he became one of the greatest inventors of the century.

One day he was going through some of her things and found the folded letter that his old teacher had written to his Mother. He opened it… The message written on the letter read, “Your son is mentally deficient. We cannot let him attend our school anymore. He is expelled.” Edison became emotional reading it and later wrote in his diary, “Thomas A. Edison was a mentally deficient child whose mother turned him into the genius of the century”

Source unknown

Thomas Edison was a famous American inventor, probably best known for creating the first electric light bulb. If you google the above story, there is speculation around whether it is based on fact or more allegorical in style. Some believe that there was actually a conversation between the teacher and mother rather than a note, but whatever the truth of this particular report, the message is still important, words have power and mums have influence.  

Fact or fiction, reading about the courage and tenacity of Thomas’s mother reminded me once again of the power of leadership within mums. What a responsibility we have as parents to lead and influence our children well. Mrs Edison was unwilling to settle for a negative diagnosis of her son’s abilities. Believing in his potential and motivated by a mother’s love, she decided to set about creating an environment in which she could forge a better future for Thomas than that prescribed by his teacher. I doubt she could have foreseen the scale of impact that her decision and effort would have. What a great example for us all, whatever title we hold, mother, father, grandparent, friend, neighbour, work colleague or stranger, we each have the power to encourage or discourage. It’s a sobering thought to think that because of the nurture, influence and leadership of his mother in his early years and the guiding of his potential, his and her legacy continue to this day. If you’re reading this with the help of an electrical light, you are sitting partly under the fruit of Mrs Edison’s labours. A leader in her own right. 

I am blessed with two lovely sisters-in-law, one is my brother’s wife and the other Rich’s sister. Both are people who you could comfortably introduce to anyone because not only are they lovely, both can also hold a conversation with pretty much anyone. Interestingly, however, Rhiannon, Rich’s sister, as a child of about 18 months old wasn’t correctly finishing the end of her words. The Health Visitor wanted to refer her to a speech therapist, believing there to be further issues with her communication. Her mother Amanda, refused. Amanda knew that this developmental phase wasn’t due to a lack of intelligence or understanding on Rhiannon’s part as she was using language appropriately. Amanda believed that Rhiannon would eventually get there in her own time as long as her and Andrew (her Dad) kept regularly speaking to her. Today Rhiannon is a Cambridge medical graduate who went on to become a GP and is now a pastor who teaches and preaches as part of her job. Although Amanda didn’t know what Rhiannon would become, she believed in her future and influenced her present to help ensure her greatest potential could be fulfilled. 

Whatever season we may find ourselves in and whatever influence we may have or however we view that influence, big or small, whether it’s over one person, ten or multitudes, we have the ability to make a difference for good. We have an opportunity to create change and to speak hope and life into desperate situations. Never doubt the importance of who you are to someone and the power that your words hold. This post sits within the category of, ‘Why Mums Make Great Leaders’ but it’s really a message to anyone who is willing to love another and be brave enough to lead, even against the odds and at the risk of being misunderstood.

What legacy will we leave?

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

Proverbs 18 v 21 (NIV)

To read more of this conversation click here 🙂

Storage Space

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Phone storage is one of my most frustrating weekly battles. I find myself constantly deleting apps and pictures and trying to rearrange things in order to avoid that annoying pop-up reminder that my storage is nearly full. I feel like I’ve literally just sorted it when it rears its ugly head again! I even have an extra monthly “cloud” add-on to allow me extra space! One of my biggest irritations is when the mysterious “cloud” decides for me which apps to offline without consulting me. Then, ridiculously, I find myself in an extremely inconvenient situation, like being stranded in London and desperately hoping my bus times app will reload in time for me to make it to my destination. What often happens is I delete and then reload apps and spend ages going through files and photos in order to organise my phone which is supposed to make life more efficient. Too much wasted energy is thrown at this process and it irks me! (Random fact – I love the word ‘irk’).

Unfortunately, I have to hold my hands up and say it’s probably down to user error rather than a technical fault. If I’m honest I can’t think of anything duller than spending a precious child-free evening figuring out how to properly rectify the issue. In fairness, I have tried a few times but it leads only to further frustration as I can’t figure out how to improve the issue. (All phone-storage-for-dummies suggestions welcome!) The add-on storage I pay for on top of my bill is so little per month that it seems like a good temporary solution. However, that temporary solution has now lasted six months! If you total the overall spend it’s definitely money that I could be spending elsewhere in a better way. Not only do I still not have enough space on my phone but now I’m paying for the ‘privilege’. I wonder at what point I will stop brushing this annoyance under the carpet and actually learn to deal with the cause of the continuing problem? Now that I’ve shared it with you all, I feel it’s about time I dealt with it! You can keep me accountable.

God often speaks to me through the ordinary everyday experiences of life. As I was frowning once again at my phone and trying to refrain from throwing it through the window – yes I do need space for one more cute picture of my child even if it looks the same as the last five –  I reflected on what issues in my own life (apart from phone storage) I keep pushing to one side. Perhaps they aren’t so huge that they cause major ripples in my day to day life but too much energy, time or stress is being spent on them. Like when totalling up the cost of my add-on storage bill, it all soon compounds.

Could we be living more care-free in some areas of our life? Could we have more freedom in others if we just sat down and faced some issues head-on, no matter how dull or even painful? If we took a step back and considered the long-term effects on our health, finances, relationships or careers we’d probably view things differently. There’s only so long we can keep rearranging our “apps” before something has to change.

It’s often easy to “deal” with big things head on because they often have an immediate and obvious effect on our lives. We have to be careful, however, not to neglect the small niggling things in hope that they will magically disappear if we ignore them for long enough. Like a child playing hide and seek that thinks just because their eyes are closed, they can’t be detected.

Many small things can actually shake our foundations more than huge events if left unattended. Did you know that termites are known as ‘silent destroyers’? They can chew through wood, flooring and wallpaper undetected for a long time, which apparently (according to pestworldforkids.org) contributes to a massive yearly damage cost to properties of around $5 billion dollars!! They are only ¼ of an inch long and yet together colonies of them cause insurmountable damage.

What “small” things are we not dealing with that if rectified could allow us more space and energy in our soul to focus on moving forward into greater avenues. What are we unnecessarily paying extra for, with our finances or time and energy? God is so good and faithful, He desires wholeness and purpose for us and is ever patient. He lovingly guides us, if we allow Him, into the continued path of righteousness. This isn’t a path to obtaining perfection through rules and striving, but rather continued revelation of our right-standing in Christ, and therefore all that we are and have access to because of His love and sacrifice. How much more space would we have to fill our lives with good if we sorted out our storage issues and properly cleaned out our data?

It’s just a short blog this week, nothing particularly profound but rather a nudge to myself and maybe you if the shoe fits, towards making room for more of Him and less of annoying underlying things, that left unchecked, have potential to cause more strife than I need to deal with in this life. Who’s got time for that? Not me! Some circumstances in life require extreme breakthrough and prayer and others just require us to stop long enough to linger in His goodness and accept His grace to deal with our “stuff”.

Recently I’ve been delving into “The Passion Translation” of the Psalms. The language is beautiful and eloquent and it’s been a refreshing journey into the continued goodness of God. I’ll sign off (and check my phone storage plan – maybe) and leave you with the one I read yesterday and pray it will lead us to His wonder, love and guidance as we take time to Selah and prepare to clear out some unnecessary nuisances.

Psalm 19 – The Passion Translation

“God’s Story in the Skies

God’s splendour is a tale that is told;

his testament is written in the stars.

Space itself speaks his story every day

through the marvels of the heavens.

His truth is on tour in the starry vault of the sky,

showing his skill in creation’s craftsmanship.

Each day gushes out its message to the next,

night with night whispering its knowledge to all.

Without a sound, without a word, without a voice being heard,

Yet all the world can see its story.

Everywhere its gospel is clearly read so all may know.

What a heavenly home God has set for the sun,

shining in the superdome of the sky!

See how he leaves his celestial chamber each morning,

radiant as a bridegroom ready for his wedding,

like a day-breaking champion eager to run his course.

He rises on one horizon, completing his circuit on the other,

warming lives and lands with his heat.

God’s Story in the Scriptures

God’s Word is perfect in every way;

how it revives our souls!

His laws lead us to truth,

and his ways change the simple into wise.

His teachings make us joyful and radiate his light;

his precepts are so pure!

His commands, how they challenge us to keep close to his heart!

The revelation-light of his word makes my spirit shine radiant.

Every one of the Lord’s commands is right;

following them brings cheer.

Nothing he says ever needs to be changed.

The rarest treasures of life are found in his truth.

That’s why I prize God’s word like others prize the finest gold.

Nothing brings the soul such sweetness

as seeking his living words.

For they warn us, his servants,

and keep us from following the wicked way,

giving a lifetime guarantee:

great success to every obedient soul!

Without this revelation-light,

how would I ever detect the waywardness of my heart?

Lord, forgive my hidden flaws whenever you find them.

Keep cleansing me, God,

and keep me from my secret, selfish sins;

may they never rule over me!

For only then will I be free from fault

and remain innocent of rebellion.

So may the words of my mouth, my meditation-thoughts,

and every movement of my heart be always pure and pleasing,

acceptable before your eyes,

my only Redeemer, my Protector-God”

 

Child’s Play

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Diving and climbing are the thing of the moment for our nearly 15-month-old Sienna. She’s so curious and adventurous and loves to explore her surroundings. I find she’s always pushing to reach the next thing, she’s not content with being on the ground, for example, she wants to be up high on the settee with the ‘big’ people. Fearless and unaware she then looks out for me or Rich and dives off the end, whether we are ready for it or not!

Also, this past week in swimming she has been diving off a floating mat and into the pool to retrieve a ball. She can’t swim on her own quite yet – she is only one! But assisted by us she dives/gets dunked under the water and glides (with help) towards the ball. I’m in awe of what she can do at such a young age, albeit assisted.

She has absolute trust in us as her parents that we will catch her, pick her up, give her a cuddle if it goes wrong, fix it and let her try again. Even if she stumbles whilst trying something it doesn’t deter her. In fact, she becomes more determined. Even if we tell her not to do something, like touch the bin (you can see this is a recurring issue!), she still re-attempts it! As a parent there’s a challenge for me, how do I encourage her curiosity but train some obedience? I don’t want her to grow up unafraid to try things, but I do want her to understand the importance of my instruction.

Watching her play with Rich is a joy, especially so when she runs at him full pelt and launches herself into his arms (as long as he’s paying attention lol!) She has absolute trust that her Daddy will be there to catch her. It’s no wonder that Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” I see in Sienna, a faith in her father that I want to recapture for my heavenly Father. An urge and determination to run and leap into His arms with absolute faith that He will catch me. A determination to push to the next level knowing that whatever happens He will be there to help. If I’m slightly off balance, He will redirect me and I never need doubt his leading, even if I may not always like it. The Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who have faith.

Faith is such a powerful force, and as we have been entrusted to love Sienna it’s our responsibility to help stir this within her. I believe it’s more than just training her in the scriptures and surrounding her by loving people and taking her to Church. It’s helping her to experience it through life, by example, but also through daily practices that allow her to dare to venture into the unknown. It’s in creating a secure base from which she can explore whilst knowing that we are a consistent and constant rock to which she can easily return. As she grows older, the things instilled in the younger years will hopefully form the foundations of her character which will help to inform her decisions and intrinsic navigation system. I pray that faith is one of the loudest voices in her decision-making process. She will discover her own voice, gifts and desires and will need to pursue them unafraid to take risks or of failing.

The older I get and longer I’m a Christian, the more I realise I don’t actually know as much as I previously thought. The further I continue, the more I realise that faith is actually simple and it’s become complicated by religion, processes and procedures. Faith is exciting, it’s adventurous and it takes risks. It believes and trusts in a loving Father whose arms will catch us as we leap towards Him. Some things we are meant to develop in and others we are meant to protect, our faith is one of them. As Christians, it’s a strange dichotomy of faith to mature in Christ and yet remain childlike. So many times I think we confuse maturity with more rules and regulations, with religion, comfort and being sensible.

So how do we mature and steward things well and yet retain a childlike faith? A faith that still believes we can jump and our Father will catch us. A faith that pushes to see the mountains in our life move even with previous failed attempts. We are exhorted to seek wisdom though it cost all we have (Proverbs 4), but I think maybe we have misunderstood wisdom. There’s a beautiful passage of scripture that explains that wisdom is not so much just knowledge acquired or experienced but rather a person to be known.

“For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved, it is the power of God. For it is written: 

‘I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent.’

Where is the wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the disputer of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of this world? For since, in the wisdom of God, the world through wisdom did not know God, it pleased God through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe. For Jews request a sign, and Greeks seek after wisdom; but we preach Christ crucified, to the Jews a stumbling block and to the Greeks foolishness, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.”

1 Corinthians 1 v 18 – 25

Getting to know Christ though it cost all I have makes sense to me. He is wisdom personified. He stewards everything and everyone well yet remains in the mystery of faith. He trusts His Father, even unto death. The Jews had history and the Greeks had knowledge, yet they became stumbling blocks obstructing them from seeing and experiencing God in the flesh who was in their midst. History and knowledge should have been an advantage, signposts to the Saviour and yet I guess they lost the essence of wonder, the ability to be awed, to lean in and believe in something beyond their minds limit, to have faith.

Gifts and intellect aren’t the enemy and we will endeavour to encourage these in Sienna. However, above all else I will strive to show her Wisdom, to show her Jesus and try and teach her to put her trust and faith in Him. On the journey, I hope also to keep learning from her how I can do the same.

Love Thy Neighbour

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London is a beautiful City full of history and innovation that sees rapid growth and change and has the obvious hustle and bustle of a Capital City. It’s bursting at the seams with people and is often a place in which many live but don’t necessarily dwell long term. There are lots of rentals and students and people passing through for a season. We ourselves have been here for only 7 years and have moved 4 times during that period due to rental contracts and differing jobs. Having a community in a busy and large City, with such a migrating population can be tough, and for us, we are lucky to have found one through Church. However, we don’t all live in close proximity to one another, and so some of the places where we’ve lived have provided more of a base rather than a home.

Last year was a busy year full of lots of change for us. We welcomed our first child, transitioned into new roles and found ourselves once again in a different area of London. This time, however, we had the opportunity to purchase a house as we were blessed with some inheritance which we used as a deposit. I think there’s a saying in property that reads along the lines of, “buy the worst house on the best street”, that way you will add value to your home in a sort after area and it’s still affordable to buy. The London housing market is in a league of its own and as we looked for a property it soon became apparent that our money wouldn’t stretch as far as we’d thought. No matter, we were still fortunate enough to own our own home, it just turned out that it was the worst house on not the best street! Regardless, we have a nice little two-bed end of terrace with an amazing 60-foot garden. It wasn’t left in the finest of conditions from its previous owner and so it was what you’d have called a ‘fixer-upper’. Nevertheless, whilst we haven’t viewed this as our forever home, it is a good start on the property ladder and a place to establish our little family together. A home that we can raise our young child in and be hospitable with, a safe haven to come back to and the start of building a legacy for Sienna.

Recently I was challenged at Church as our pastor addressed the issues and growing concern surrounding young people in our City and the increased levels of violence amongst them. As a Church, we want to be part of a long-term solution. This is, after all, our City. In his message, he said something along the lines of, “Don’t pray to God for something if you’re not prepared to be part of the answer.” Inspired by this but not knowing where to start, I consciously made a decision to pray not only for our City and Country but also for my street, my neighbourhood and my community. I felt challenged to be present in this community for as long as we live here and not just see it as a transitional place. I realise that it’s not yet the most sought after area, but the majority of people that live here are normal, hard-working every day decent folks. I prayed my prayer and got on with my day.

Then something happened which made me want to rescind my previous thoughts, challenge my prayer and make plans to leave the neighbourhood as soon as possible. Someone walked into our house in the middle of the day, assuming everyone was out and took the easiest things they could grab in an instant. On realising someone was upstairs they made a quick exit. We only realised we had been burgled when we noticed our visiting family’s car was gone from outside! They’d taken the keys!

As if it wasn’t enough that someone had broken into our private property, the very next day, I noticed something across the street that appeared suspicious. With a heightened sense of awareness, and despite feeling nervous as I got our daughter ready for bed, I called the Police. The short version is they responded quickly and efficiently and so the criminals were caught and arrested. In that moment I had a choice, do I still love my community although it’s hard or do I close the curtains, let the world pass by and hope for the best as I plan my departure? I thought if I really want to pray for my City and see a change it must start with me. As the title of Bob Goff’s book states, “Love does!” Love does even when it’s uncomfortable and love loves even the bits that we don’t like as much. If I don’t care about my street and if I don’t take action how can I expect anyone else too? It’s easy to point fingers or step back but if this is now my community, it’s my responsibility.  Getting involved in things at arm’s length not having to get my hands dirty feels better, but there are needs right on my doorstep.

The enemy would have us stunted from moving forward because we feel intimidated or fearful. However, as my dear friend, Ope always says, “the devil is a liar!” It’s true he comes to kill, steal and destroy but what’s also true is that Jesus is, “..above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.” Ephesians 1 v 21. He has the final say, He is our provider, protector, redeemer, saviour, strength, peace and victor – AND the list goes on. The devil has nothing on Jesus. It’s an uneven match.

We were blessed to buy this house and therefore blessed to be in this area and so we must not let those who wish to destroy our blessings have the last say. There are so many exhortations in scripture that remind us of the goodness of God and the protection we have as his people. I need to believe that whilst we are here our prayers and our actions can make this a better place for not only ourselves but also our neighbours. My neighbours need to know a loving and very real God who is able to reach down and infiltrate their lives and situations. This starts with me; with me showing them the evidence, showing them His favour and the power of prayer. This means not being afraid to do the right thing. Of course, it’s easier to type than to action but if ministry truly is life, then this is my life and therefore this is my ministry and our neighbourhood is our responsibility.

A few quick things I have learnt or been reminded of this week:

  • Light casts out darkness – ALWAYS! “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1 v 5
  • God is on my side, He’s my protector  – Psalm 91
  • Jesus taught us to pray, “Your will be done on earth as in Heaven,” so He’s invested in the outcome – Matthew 6 v 9 – 13
  • Ministry is life – Romans 12
  • God loves my neighbours and so should I – Mark 12 v 30 – 31
  • Jesus has all authority Matthew 28 v 18 and He gives us authority – “I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.” Luke 10 v 19
  • Don’t leave yourself vulnerable to attack – put on your armour – Ephesians 6 v 10 – 18

Why Mums Make Great Leaders III

why mums make great leaders 3

If you’ve been following the conversation, thanks and welcome back to part three of the why mums can make great leaders mini-series. If you’ve no idea what the title means or why I’d be writing about such things, check here to get some context.

Without further ado, here are three more attributes of leadership that can grow with motherhood.

Priorities

As I continue to grow as a mum I realise there’s daily choices to make, battles to fight and things to learn. Within my choices, there are often multiple responses I could make dependent on how important I believe the value of the outcome is. For example, Sienna has started to hold onto the safety gate at the top of the stairs and shake it. When I’m trying to get things done and want her to be occupied it’s easy to let things slide, but this is not something I can afford to do that with. Apart from the obvious, immediate potential safety risk if she pulled too hard and the gate was compromised, there’s the ongoing safety risk as she gets older and stronger. Further to this is the greater issue of learning to listen to her parents and understanding the value of no and safe boundaries. Because there are often multiple decisions to make of varying significance, prioritising in preparation and on the spot are key to both good parenthood and leadership.

Efficiency

Simply put, as a mum you have more things to do now that you have a child and less time to do them. Therefore, as well as streamlining what you do, you have to become fast and efficient in the outworking of tasks. There’s a saying, “If you want something doing, ask a busy person”. It’s amazing how little time you waste when you can’t afford to waste it.

Teachability

If you want to do a good job in any area of life, teachability is a must. As a mum, you’re forever learning new things as your child learns new things. New nap times, new tantrums, new questions, maths homework, boundaries, new independence and opinions. Not only are you navigating new discoveries, you’re having to help them navigate new discoveries – puberty, disappointments, first loves (eek). Mums have to evolve just as leaders have to evolve in order to be able to respond to the ever-changing environment. Each child is different and whilst there are general practices and advice that can be adhered to, people aren’t a puzzle to be solved but rather living organisms to develop alongside.

Honesty

As a good leader, you can’t avoid confrontation, even if you believe it’s not a personal strength. It is the responsibility of a leader to address certain awkward situations. Confrontation must be done with honour and tact and the truth must be spoken in love. As a mum, we have to encourage our children in the right direction even when it’s uncomfortable. As parents we have to fiercely and unconditionally love our children which sometimes requires brutal truths. It could mean steering children away from bad choices, attitudes or company or it could be gently guiding them away from the pursuit of things that aren’t their strengths.

Honesty and clarity when giving praise are also important. Parents should be the greatest cheerleaders of their children and specificity in what they do well is as important as being specific on what they need to improve on.


So…. thanks for reading, I hope this mini-series is bringing some encouragement to someone somewhere. It’s been good for me personally to think about and document.

Coming up… A fun Mother’s Day video celebrating mums and an interview full of GOLD which includes some wisdom on how to nurture leaders within your children.

365 Days Later

365 days later

Technically upon writing this, it’s only 361 days since the birth of our beautiful daughter Sienna, but it’s her birthday week and I try and post on Mondays, what are a few days between friends?

Coming up to her first birthday has made me reflect on this past year and the highs and lows of becoming a parent.
I thought I’d ask myself and Rich, “If we had to choose three things that we’ve learnt over the past year what would they be?” It’s almost an impossible task to only pick three because it can be a daily stretch into the unknown, navigating continual beginnings, as she progresses from one stage to the next. However, we’re always up for the challenge so here they are:

Anna:

I’m Stronger Than I Think – Perseverance Pays Off

Perseverance takes on a whole new meaning when there is no get-out-clause, you’re sleep deprived and you have no previous experience to draw from. In the early days, weeks and months it often felt like I was climbing a rocky mountain in flip-flops after not sleeping for a month! An uphill battle, with the least amount of energy, whilst feeling totally ill-equipped. Every now and then you stop to take a breathe and are awed by the view, but then it’s head down and back to the grind. However, I made it, each day was followed by night and each night followed by a new day. One step at a time, often one day at a time I put one foot in front of the other and just kept going. Not because it was easy, not because I had the training, not because I was always excited or passionate but because I had to. Now I think back to those early days as welcome distant memories, smiling at the highlights. Today Sienna presents new challenges with her strong will and determination (ha!) but every day she brings joy and life, and to see her grow and learn, smile and flourish make every drop of blood, sweat and tears worth it. There’s no amount of preparation that can make you ready for your individual unique child, it’s a journey that has to be lived, like many things in life.

I Love Sleep – Discipline Reaps Rewards

Thank God for sleep training! Like anything worth doing, it requires consistency and determination but it has huge benefits. From the start, we established the difference between night-time and day-time for Sienna due to some great advice. It hasn’t been easy and this year has meant I’ve hardly left the house on an evening. However, she now has no issues going to sleep pretty much anywhere as she’s in such a good routine, the sacrifice and continuity are really paying off. Parents have different approaches to different things but most likely for most, there’s still some discipline involved somewhere. Discipline requires keeping the long-term goal in view in order to outwork the daily, often mundane tasks to achieve your goals. Discipline can feel restrictive but it actually brings freedom in the end. Freedom to plan, freedom to enjoy its benefits, freedom from issues avoided through lack of discipline.

Just Call Me Bendy Barbie – Flexibility Is Key

One huge lesson for me has been learning to relinquish the need to always be in control. Preparation and schedules are all important and necessary but when the poop hits the nappy at 3 am in the morning in catastrophic proportions, you have to strip your child and chuck them in the bath whether you or they like it or not! I like to be in control of my own life, that’s not an uncommon or unreasonable ask. I’ve learnt to make plans but hold onto them lightly. I take a breath and whatever happens, try and enjoy and embrace the moment I find myself in. There’s nothing as important as this little tiny life that can’t wait another 5 minutes, a day, a week, a month or even a year if necessary.

Rich:

Be Kind To Each Other- Everyone Has Had A Tough Day

Being a parent is not easy. Whether it’s dealing with a cranky child all day, or having no sleep and having to go to work and deliver on projects. It’s tough, you’re shattered and probably just about holding it all together. It can be so easy in this type of stretching environment to play the “woe is me” card and paint a picture of how your day was way worse and far more stressful than that of your spouses… but don’t. Be kind to each other, prefer one another, go out of your way for one another. Try and laugh together, enjoy the absurdity of parenthood. Be kind with your words, they’re the oil that keeps the wheel spinning.

Children Love Easily And Forgive Quickly

It’s true and thank God that’s the case. We all get it wrong, probably way too frequently for our liking, but children are far more forgiving and resilient than we give them credit for. They aren’t insecure, they don’t care about what people think about them. As far as they’re concerned, they are the most awesome human being in existence. They don’t try and hide their emotions to be cool when daddy comes home from work, Sienna’s face lights up. When daddy tells Sienna off for touching the TV, there’s usually lots of frowns and a few tears, but her default position is towards love and closeness. It’s only when we grow up do we, unfortunately, learn how to be insecure.

“Important” Things Aren’t Really That Important

Oscar Wilde once said, “Life is far too important to be taken seriously.” I like that thought. This year has been a discovery of what actually matters. As adults, we get so myopic in our view of success. Having Sienna has stripped away all pretence. The things I used to worry about just aren’t as important as they used to be. Perhaps I’ve got wiser, maybe I’m just more tired. Whatever it is, it feels good to remember that Sienna couldn’t care less whether I’m good at my job or not. She doesn’t care whether I get promoted, get a pay rise or drive a nice car. She just knows me as Dad, and to be honest I think that’s pretty cool.

365 days later sienna

 

Why Mums Make Great Leaders

why mums make great leaders

I have sat down to write this post multiple times now and always been unable to finish it because honestly there seems to be an exhaustive list of reasons as to why mums make great leaders. Therefore, I have decided to start an ongoing conversation on the topic rather than a complete one-off blog post.

I must stress at the start that I believe all people, regardless of title, age or background can make great leaders. I simply choose to write about mums in particular because, not only does it provide personal encouragement as I navigate early motherhood, but also mothers historically have been discounted in leadership by others or themselves due to a lack of confidence, knowledge or misplaced perspective as to what leadership is. Fortunately for me, I live in an age and culture where that mindset has shifted, but there is still work to be done.

Motherhood certainly presents many opportunities in which to be stretched, challenged and grown (all the mums’ sigh). Opportunities that enhance and enrich our character and therefore leadership qualities if we allow them. With that said, to kick-start the conversation, here are what I believe to be, two fundamental attributes of good leadership that mums have…

1. Influence

“Leadership is not about titles, positions or flowcharts. It is about one life influencing another.”

John C. Maxwell

Ultimately I believe that leadership is influence. John C. Maxwell is well known for his teaching on leadership, and the above quote sums up perfectly why a mum can make a great leader. When we realise that leadership isn’t dependent on having a platform or title, we are empowered to lead well in all situations in our everyday lives.

As Sienna’s mummy, I have one of the greatest responsibilities to influence her well; to lead her. The power of a mums influence can shape a child for life. More now than ever I am aware of my influence. How I treat Sienna and others, how I demonstrate integrity and curiosity, my attitude to life and my countenance, all have the ability to help set the foundation for her character. She is unique and wonderful, has her own personality and gifts, and will develop her own set of interests, but my influence can provide an environment in which these things can be nurtured. Will I encourage and praise or criticise and put down? Will I lead with love and faith or bitterness and fear? The answers to those questions will help to set the trajectory for her life. The impact I have, amongst others, will also reach beyond her as she develops her own sense of leadership and influence that emanates from her everyday life.

This daily practised influence will only sharpen any further leadership I am privileged to have, in any sphere of life, with or without title or platform.

Proverbs 22 v 6 NIV

“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”  

2 Timothy 1 v 5 NIV

“I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother, Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.”

2. Sacrifice

John 15 v 13 (NIV)

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

Mum life is hard work, the hardest I’ve ever done, 24/7 responsibility. Sienna had to overcome many little hurdles in her first 6 weeks of life and she wasn’t the easy baby I had imagined sticking in a carrier and picking up from where I left off. 

Before Sienna arrived, I’d been leading a team at church alongside working, socialising, and running at 100mph, and going to the toilet on my own – luxury! (#mumstruggles). There is a freedom and independence that you have pre-kids that somewhat diminishes when you first become a parent. Now other mum’s may have easily embraced this change, but honestly, at the start, I struggled. I had to navigate this new responsibility of motherhood, relinquish control over my life, and lay aside many things that I had previously been involved in. Each mum’s sacrifice is different but equally significant. It’s not forever, but it won’t look the same on return. Hopefully, it will be different but better. 

When you have a child, and in particular a baby, the needs of this little life become a priority. They can’t do much for themselves beyond their involuntary bodily functions, and even some of those have to be taken care of by someone else! When I look at Jesus, Who is, in my opinion, the greatest example of good leadership, His sacrifice was the greatest gift given to all and motivated by love, it changed history forever. As leaders, sometimes I think we get it the wrong way around when we look to those under our care only to do our bidding. Rather, motherhood reminds me that as I make sacrifices to love and value my child, to give her the best start in life, to focus on what I can give rather than get, the hope is that I will provide an environment in which she can flourish. As I encourage Sienna to be the best she can be, she will hopefully be empowered to in turn produce her best, and together as a family will be better and stronger and able to have more impact.

Motherhood is a labour of love. When I consider the scripture, 1 Corinthians 13, it strikes me that the description of love very much coincides with sacrifice. I particularly admire the statement in verse 8 which says, “Love NEVER fails” (emphasis added by me). To love is to sacrifice, but according to that statement, love has 100% success rate. I am learning as a mother that the sacrifices I have made for Sienna, motivated by love, have the potential to have a far greater impact than perhaps the things I initially mourned letting go of. I continue to learn that leadership is in fact servanthood. 

I Corinthians 13 (NIV)

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.For now, we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

There’s so much I feel I could write on both of these points as well as many more, but I look forward to exploring this topic further in the future and inviting others to add their perspectives. So, for now, I will leave it there. Hopefully, it has encouraged some and made others think. 

To be continued…

Join the conversation – what do you think?